Each and every one of you. Stop what you're doing and grab your nitroglycerin pills. The human heart simply was not made to live through that kind of football game.
On the back of superhero performances from Dak Prescott and CeeDee Lamb, the Dallas Cowboys walked out of Houston with a 34-30 victory over the Texans.
Trailing 27-23 with 40 seconds left in the fourth quarter, Prescott and Lamb connected for a 12-yard touchdown to put Dallas in front permanently. The defense then stood tall on Houston's last-gasp Hail Mary attempt
This team is not without flaws -- heaven knows that's true -- but Prescott, Lamb, and George Pickens, who came up clutch in his own ways, are going to be within striking distance in most games. A 2-2 record with a favorable upcoming schedule? We can think of worse places to be.
Let's get into some instant reactions to an absolute nail-biter at Reliant Stadium.
Instant reactions to Cowboys gritty win over the Texans
1. Why is DaRon Bland covering Nico Collins in the red zone?
The Texans polished off a commanding eight-play, 85-yard opening drive with a Nico Collins touchdown from C.J. Stroud.
Returning from a two-game absence, Collins beat DaRon Bland off the line of scrimmage, and Caleb Downs traveled with the underneath crossing route, leaving Bland in 1-on-1 coverage. Bland was playing catch-up from Collins' first step. It was an easy score.
If you're curious, yes, Joey Porter Jr. was in on the play. He was at the top of the screen. He played four snaps on the drive. Why was he not lined up against Collins? He's had a lot of success versus the Texans' WR in the past, including allowing just 16 yards in the playoffs last January.
Bland has to be better, but why did you trade for a "boundary eraser," as Christian Parker called him, if not to erase the opposing team's best receiver?
2. Jake Ferguson's value is declining fast
Will Ferguson come up with the occasional touchdown and third-down conversion? Yes. His chemistry with Dak Prescott is valuable, but he's making over $12 million a year and does not offer much beyond the fundamentals of the position.
He doesn't break tackles, create yards after the catch, or consistently make difficult catches outside his frame. At that price point, you need more than reliability.
The lack of catch radius was on display on a 3rd-and-16 in the second quarter. Prescott put the ball where only Ferguson could come down with it, and it didn't even touch his hands. Was it an easy catch? No. But it was within his reach.
And what more needs to be said about Ferguson's blocking?
The Texans' physicality exposed him on multiple occasions, including on a handoff to CeeDee Lamb. At some point, the coaching staff needs to stop asking him to contribute so much as a blocker, but a TE making as much as he does should at least be serviceable in that department.
Ferguson's value is declining fast.
3. Nick Sorensen might have to go
The Cowboys' kickoff coverage is much improved compared to last season. But just as one problem has disappeared, another has emerged. For the second week in a row, Brandon Aubrey had a field goal blocked. This time, it was a 62-yard attempt.
The replay of Dallas' protection team was jarring. The entire right side got blown up, led by Will Anderson Jr. Ever heard of him? Even if Anderson deserves credit for wrecking the play, it's embarrassing that Nick Sorensen's unit fell asleep against one of the best players in the world.
You can't weaponize Brandon Aubrey if he can't even get kicks off. Ironically, Aubrey missed a 65-yarder later in the half, but that's not the point.
It's a miracle that Sorensen kept his job after last season. Nobody on the coaching staff has covered themselves in glory this season, but Sorensen has done the least to justify his place on the staff.
4. Another awful end-of-half situation by Brian Schotteheimer
Speaking of bad coaching ...
After promising to be better after gifting the Ravens a victory last week, Schottenheimer had another lapse at the end of the first half. Rather than punt with 27 seconds left and give Houston the ball with zero timeouts and needing to drive the length of the field, Schottenheimer called Aubrey's number from 65 yards.
The field goal missed wide right, giving the Texans a short field. They picked up nine yards, and Kai'imi Fairbin drilled a 54-yarder to take 16-6 lead.
Had Schottenheimer punted, Dallas would have gone into halftime down one possession, and they'd get the second-half kickoff. Now, they're down two possessions in a game where the offense struggled to move the ball.
Yet another example of the Cowboys' head coach not having a feel for the game. That was not the time to chase points.
5. Officiating saves Schottenheimer's poor red-zone play-calling
The Cowboys got an assist from the officiating on a gotta-have-it drive trailing 23-13 in the third quarter. Thanks to two pass interference penalties on Texans cornerback Kamari Lassiter, Dallas found its way into the end zone by way of Javonte Williams.
Lassiter was first flagged on an incomplete 3rd-and-7 pass intended for George Pickens. It was a tacky call that could have gone either way. He was then flagged for a clear hold on Pickens on 4th-and-goal on a play that seemed doomed from the start.
If you get so many bites at the apple, you're eventually going to find the end zone. But Schottenheimer's play-calling left a lot to be desired. Two calls in particular stood out:
- Javonte Williams shotgun run to the outside
- Goal-line fade to CeeDee Lamb against Derek Stingley
Why ... WHY are we trying to outrun the fastest defense in football with a slow running back? Another case of Schottenheimer getting too cute. And why ... WHY are we calling a fade against one of the best man cornerbacks in football? It's a low-percentage play to begin with.
The Cowboys had six tries from inside the five, and they somehow made the end zone feel 20 yards away. Line up under center and run the damn ball. That needs to get cleaned up.
6. Dak Prescott and the offense woke up when they needed to
How about a 28-point explosion in the second half against the best defense in the NFL? Sure, the refs bailed them out on that one drive, but Prescott, CeeDee Lamb, George Pickens, and Javonte Williams -- and some Ryan Flournoy mixed in as well -- came up huge in the second half.
Three straight touchdown drives. Four in total. More runs up the middle to set up play-action. More shots downfield. Credit to Schottenheimer for making adjustments after halftime. He pushed the right buttons, and his players executed.
7. Quinnen Williams with a momentum-swinging sack
On 3rd-and-3 from the Texans' 42 with 9:31 left in the fourth quarter, Williams got home, sacking C.J. Stroud to force a punt.
Unfortunately, the Cowboys' offense repaid him with a quick three-and-out, the absolute last thing you could have in that situation. But that takes nothing away from Williams' moment. He's paid to be a game-wrecking defensive tackle precisely to make a play like that when the game was hanging in the balance.
8. The Dak Prescott and CeeDee Lamb Game vol. 15?
If you've lost count as to how many times Prescott and Lamb have put the Cowboys on their backs over the years, you are not alone.
Lamb set a new career-high with 17 catches. He was uncoverable, racking up 189 receiving yards and the go-ahead touchdown in the final minute of regulation. Doing that against arguably the best defense in football while his sidekick George Pickens has a relatively quiet game makes it that much more remarkable.
Prescott was just as good in the fourth quarter. He finished the game 32-of-45 for 335 yards and a touchdown. He saved his best for last, though, uncorking multiple inch-perfect throws, including a fourth-down conversion with the game on the line.
Outside of a three-and-out, the Cowboys scored a touchdown on all of their second-half possessions.
A lot of individuals deserve credit, but make no mistake: Prescott and Lamb carried Dallas to a victory and reminded everyone they are two of the very best players at their respective positions.
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