Dallas Cowboys: Starting the new season with good vibrations
The Dallas Cowboys failure to win a sixth Lombardi Trophy creates a roller coaster of emotions. Maybe essential oils can ease this season’s ride?
The release of the Dallas Cowboys preseason schedule has generated some excitement throughout Cowboy Nation. Unfortunately, thoughts of preseason fills me with negative vibes.
My frugal side finds it outrageous that the NFL charges regular season ticket prices for what amounts to an exhibition game. My fandom side still believes that the Cowboys would’ve went undefeated in 2016 if former quarterback Tony Romo hadn’t been injured in Seattle during a meaningless preseason game.
Feeling this way can’t be healthy, so I decided to cleanse myself of these negative feelings before the start of the season. The internet instructed me to start this process by burning satchels of sage to promote wisdom and overcome grief. Lesson One: Do not purchase sage from former Cowboys defensive lineman David Irving.
The next phase involved picking out a horde of essential oils. Prior to this discovery process, my two essential oils were WD-40 and 10w-30. Apparently, I needed an aromatherapy machine to diffuse the oil and reap the benefits.
Full disclosure: I’m a natural skeptic, but Vicks VapoRub seems like eucalyptus oil mixed with Vaseline, so why not? There are tons of essential oils which claim a variety of health effects. Lavender oil, for example, is supposed to help induce a deep, peaceful sleep and relieve anxiety. That could come in handy the night before an important game or after a close game.
Peppermint and lemon oils claim to boost or elevate mood and energy levels. This would be helpful the morning after a disappointing regular season loss. If you have ever felt like destroying your hard earned possessions after the Cowboys suffer a defeat, stock up on these oils to find your happy place.
This preseason, the Cowboys will play at the San Francisco 49ers, at the Los Angeles Rams in Hawaii, versus the Houston Texans and versus the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. If the Cowboys lose against the Niners or the Texans, it will be a great time to test the powers of sage and essential oils. The 49ers are a classic rivalry, but fans of a team with five championships should recognize that it’s just a preseason matchup.
That’s not the case with the Houston fan base. Don’t be surprised if the Texans are criticized when the starters get pulled. It’s a typical reaction for teams that have zero championships to get overly excited about preseason games.
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Let other fans get excited about becoming preseason champions. Burn your sage, smell your essential oils and stay positive. Remember the Dallas Cowboys main goals are staying healthy and winning a sixth Lombardi Super Bowl trophy. Don’t let anyone or anything kill your vibe this season.
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