Why the Dallas Cowboys will devour the Philadelphia Eagles
The Dallas Cowboys are on a 4-game winning streak against top-tier opponents. The Philadelphia Eagles recently won back to back games. Pass the Cheez Whiz.
I didn’t choose the Dallas Cowboys, the Dallas Cowboys chose me! As a lifelong member of Cowboy Nation, it’s easy to have a case of tunnel vision. People that hate the Cowboys pay the closest attention to that team with The Star currently sitting atop the NFC East division.
Dear America – Cowboy Nation doesn’t care about your team, so excuse me for not realizing the little things within the division. For example, Cowboy Nation didn’t know the Philadelphia Eagles won back to back games for the first time this season with their victory over the Washington Redskins.
Simply put, some things never change. Example – The Dallas Cowboys are the greatest NFL franchise in the history of the universe. That’s a constant fact.
Here’s “another one” – in my DJ Khalid voice – Philadelphia cheesesteak sandwiches are horrible, especially when topped with Cheez Whiz. What in the world is Cheez Whiz anyway? Stop acting like a city full of terrorists and top your sandwiches with 100% Real American Cheese like we do in Dallas. Chant with me: U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
A win is a win especially against a division opponent, but I doubt that the Eagles are full of confidence after beating a Redskins team that used Colt McCoy and Mark Sanchez – two backup quarterbacks. Sanchez had been on the Redskins roster for two weeks (he signed November 19th) and the Eagles defense let him pass for 100 yards in two quarters.
That’s remarkable – because three weeks ago, Sanchez was in Dallas eating a chunk of bloody cow meat that 100% of Real Americans call steak – and there wasn’t any Cheez Wiz in sight! Confession – I might have made that up because not even Google knows where Sanchez was before signing with the Redskins.
Seriously, that “beefsteak material” in Philly cheesecrap sandwiches is just disrespectful to the word – Steak.
Long story short, the Cowboys have recently defeated the Washington Redskins, Atlanta Falcons and the high-flying New Orleans Saints (not in that order). I believe that means the Cowboys are playing better than the Eagles at this moment.
What? What was that? Who yelled out – Remember the Titans? Man, that was five weeks ago and we’re not discussing old stuff! Plus, the Tennessee Titans did beat the New England Patriots, which proves that even a broken clock is right two times a day. What’s their record now? Guess what? Cowboy Nation doesn’t care about the Titans record!!!! We Them ‘Boys!!!! Five Rings!!!!
Usually, I’m cautiously optimistic about games against division opponents. I slightly want to call the Philadelphia Eagles a rival, but they only have one Superbowl victory – Isn’t that cute? Opposing franchises aren’t taken seriously in Dallas until they have a minimum of three Superbowl victories. #CowboyNationLaw
I haven’t checked the Las Vegas gambling line, but with future Hall of Fame safety Jeff Heath – the Cowboys should be a 200 point favorite. I just humbly recommend that Cowboy Nation be gentle when seeing fans of the Eagles eating at various famous Dallas Steakhouses (yes, we capitalize the S in Steakhouses).
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When Cowboys Nation sees a member of the green jersey community eating at Nick and Sam’s, III Forks, Bob’s Steak & Chop House or Pappas Bros Steakhouse, simply ask – Isn’t real steak better without Cheez Whiz? Then walk away, knowing they’ll soon be a part of Cowboy Nation. #ThatsBeef #GoCowboys