The Cowboys Should Enact The Jerry Jones Rules


Recently, the Dallas Cowboys came under some scrutiny for allegedly placing personal conduct rules upon often troubled wideout Dez Bryant. This came after Bryant was allegedly involved in a domestic violence incident with his own mother. General manager and owner of the Cowboys, Jerry Jones, later denied having anything to do with the “Dez Bryant Rules” claiming Bryant instigated them himself. Regardless of whom set them, most fans seem to think it’s a good idea. Such a good idea, in fact, maybe Dez shouldn’t be the only one with some personal conduct rules placed upon them. So in that spirit, here are my “Jerry Jones Rules” for Jerry Jones himself.

Rule #1: Jerry Jones Should Not Make Any Trades Without Consulting Jimmy Johnson First

In 1989, new Dallas owner Jones and new Cowboys’ coach Johnson made the most successful trade in NFL history also known as “The Great Train Robbery”. The Minnesota Vikings received running back Herschel Walker and four draft picks (rounds: 3rd, 3rd, 5th, 10th). While Dallas received five insignificant players and eight draft picks. (rounds: 1st, 1st, 1st, 2nd, 2nd, 2nd, 3rd, 6th).  With those draft picks, Dallas built the foundation for three Superbowl wins. Using those picks they acquired Alvin Harper, Dixon Edwards, Darren Woodson, and the NFL’s all-time leading rusher, Emmitt Smith.

But since then, the trades made by Jerry Jones alone haven’t really work out. Here are the two worst examples.

Joey Galloway Trade: Looking for a player to replace the Hall of Fame bound Michael Irvin, the Cowboys traded their 2000 and 2001 first round picks to the Seattle Seahawks for speedster Joey Galloway. In a turn of cruel foreshadowing, the former Buckeye Wide Receiver torn his ACL in his very first game as a Cowboy. Therefore, Galloway was out for the entire season due to the injury. In his four years with Dallas, Galloway never had more than 61 receptions and 6 touchdowns in a season. In 2003, he was traded to the Tampa Buccaneers for Wide Receiver Keyshawn Johnson.

Roy Williams Trade: During the mid-season of 2008, the Dallas Cowboys traded the Detroit Lions their first, third and sixth round picks in 2009, plus a seventh-round pick in 2010 for the former Longhorn standout. Dallas immediately agreed to a five-year extension with Williams worth $45 million. For all that, Roy Williams gave Dallas 40 games with only 94 receptions and 13 touchdowns. He should have wore a ski mask to the contract signing.

Rule #2: Jerry Jones Should Stop Making Commercials

One,  we all  know it’s just a major ego trip. Secondly, the two below examples should speak volumes about making this point complete:

Rule #3: Jerry Jones Should Drink More

Jones is known for his smooth side-stepping of the media’s tougher questions. He’s actually really talented when it comes to that. Jones uses his southern charm and down home sayings to always remain in the headlines without really giving much away. But apparently, once he gets a few drinks down, Jones’ walls come tumbling down and the truth comes spuying out like Old Faithful. And so does the colorful language. (for those of you with sensitive ears, you may want to skip the below video)

Honestly, I think this version of Jerry Jones would be really cool to hang out with. Finally, the truth. Bill Parcells was only brought in because the media was hounding Jerry about having too much involvement with the team, Romo was the miracle and Tim Tebow would have never seen the field. If Jones was drunk at every press conference, the Cowboys would be in the headlines everyday..I mean even more then now, if  that’s at all possible.

I can’t wait to hear what Jones really thinks about Dez, getting sued over hot seats, trading Jenkins or Felix and even his thoughts on the upcoming presidential election. And he’d give his version of the truth whether you wanted it or not. It would be like a Cowboys’ episode of South Park everyday. And someone should start making “Romo was the miracle” shirts immediately.

What Rules Would You Enact For Jerry Jones???

I know I’m not alone on this rule making idea for Jerry Jones. Post your own set of rules for him in the comments section down below and I’ll try to get them all in a follow up story!