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IPCQ: Week 6, Dallas Cowboys VS New England Patriots. Piece it together


By Seth Jones.

I ntroduction:

When I was young, the Dallas Cowboys were incredible. Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith, Michael Irvin, Daryl Jonhston, Larry Allen. These titans of the gridiron were regarded as the best of the best. Having a blue star on your helmet meant that you were in good hands. Being on the Cowboys roster meant that you had a chance, every single year, of finishing the season with a brand new trophy to wrap around your finger. But something changed. Coaches were fired. Players retired. Owners went bonkers. What remained was a shattered mosaic. Colorful pieces of the puzzle, laying on the ground. The Cowboys, for the past 15+ years, have been sifting through the changing sands, searching for pieces of the former work of art that once hung over our proud franchise. What was once an enviable dynasty, has become a broken relic, and a message to everyone: nothing shines forever.

While we, as Cowboy fans, have waited well over a decade for our beloved team to return to greatness, other teams have done everything BUT wait. There are 31 other NFL teams that are trying to achieve the level of success that the Dallas Cowboys had once reached. There are few who would argue that the New England Patriots have done a less than stellar job of picking up the pieces that have slipped through the Cowboys fingers. They have the star players. They have the brilliant genius head coach. They sure as hell have the on-field success. But have they pieced together the mosaic that the Dallas Cowboys had once called their own brilliant beacon of success?

No, they have not. And they never will. They can’t. Nobody can. The Dallas Cowboys have something that no other NFL team has ever had. The Dallas Cowboys have something that every owner in the NFL would kill for, but no matter how much they might slaughter, it would never be enough because the Dallas Cowboys have the market cornered on what has always been their secret weapon. Something that will never let them be true losers. Something that a zero and sixteen season wouldn’t be able to put a dent in. The Dallas Cowboys have US. The fans.

Every team has fans. But we are Dallas Cowboys fans. We are America’s team. The Patriots can paint flags on their helmets all they want, but they are still just another NFL team. They are just the St Louis Rams, but with a better record. They played the better game on Sunday. They play the better game on MOST Sundays. And while we may have lost the battle, we have not lost the war. Keep your heads up, my fellow Cowboy fans. We are the lucky ones. We have spent our lives cheering for the greatest professional sports franchise to have ever played a game. There were highs in the past, but we are in a valley on this day. Valleys aren’t dungeons. We see the light and we feel the warmth. We will keep climbing until we reach the peak. And that peak will be glorious. Let us keep searching for the pieces that once made up the mosaic that hung above us.

Let us keep putting together the pieces to our one and only star..

P aragraphical Notage:

The first thing that I noticed in this game was that Dez Bryant was fired up like a fat kid at a cake shop. He was emotional, with and withOUT the ball in his hands. Despite the fact that his pants kept falling down, I really felt good seeing Dez on the field. Someone needs to remind him that he isn’t at the mall though. Stop sagging, Dez. I’m sure the equipment guy can find you a belt.

I was pleased to see that we were getting to Thomas H. Brady early. Sacking Tom Brady is no easy task. He has been trained by Billy Belichick to get rid of the ball in a timely manner, and he has the arm strength to do so with efficiency. The key to disrupting Brady is to pressure him. The key to pressuring him is to take away his quick reads with shifting coverages and utilizing talented pass rushers. A quick little note here: WE HAVE TALENTED PASS RUSHERS! And in a league that is seeing more passes than ever before, pass rushers are becoming more coveted every year.

It didn’t take long for me to notice that the off-week didn’t make our offensive line any better. Our running game is such a joke that I wouldn’t mind using every single mother effing draft pick on linemen. We can play the studs and throw the ones that didn’t pan out into Joe Pool Lake. It’s hard to say ANYTHING bad about Tony Romo or Jason Garrett when they are playing for/coaching a team that couldn’t establish a run game if Earl Campbell and Mike Alstott were in the backfield.

I was pleased to see Old Man Newman make a great play for the interception. Turnovers (usually) win football games in the NFL, and he played a major role in getting us off to a good start. Also, I think it’s cool that his interceptions look a lot like his tackles. Buckling kneecaps and soft hands.

Felix Jones ran hard this game. Keep in mind that he was playing with a shoulder injury. I thought that he made good cuts and broke some tackles that would usually take him down. He also displayed uncharacteristically good vision on several runs. Although it doesn’t take 20/20 vision to see your blockers getting pancaked, and then choosing to run in the other direction.

Calling a draw on 3rd and long is extremely brave. You KNOW that 90% of the fanbase will hate you for it, even if it was the right decision. I’m in the other 10%. Fast running back, defense playing pass-heavy defense, we’re emphasizing ball protection. If the back can just get past the defensive line… And there’s your problem. Unless Felix makes a dead sprint for the sidelines, he has no chance to get past the D-line, because..uh..His blockers have a combined rating of 63 on Madden. Ok, I don’t really know their combined rating, but it has to be pretty bad. My point is that Garrett was rolling the dice. He was thinking “Surely if they just try REALLY HARD on this ONE play, then they can do it!” Sadly, his trust was misplaced. You can’t run a draw in this offense. You don’t have the personnel. It’s sad that Garrett has to chop his playbook in half, but he does. Hey Jerry, how about you stop sucking balls as a GM and sign some players who can perform one of the most fundamental tasks in football: BLOCKING!

Did I get carried away there? I think I did. I apologize. Give me a moment to rub myself with a soothing piece of charcoal.

Ok, I’m black. Let us continue.

I would venture to guess that New England over the past 6 years has some of the fewest kickoff return fumbles in the league. We were very fortunate on that turnover. Oh, happy day. We’re in it to win it! Let’s march down the field and– Give them the ball back. But then again, how can you protect the ball when YOU CAN’T RUN IT? ….Oh, and: BLOCKING! Sorry, I just wanted to end another paragraph like that. It just seems appropriate. BLOCKING!

Miles Austin’s comeback route is comparable to a picnic on a grassy hill out in the country on a Texas autumn evening while watching the sun set. It’s beautiful and it can bring tears to the eyes. Luckily, the tears brought forth typically belong to the cornerback who didn’t have help over the top and thought that Miles was going deep. I love seeing this route. I hope to see it at least twice a game. Perhaps the best part about seeing it in this game is that it indicates that Miles Austin is as healthy as his massive white teeth indicate.

I believe Troy Aikman’s partner in the booth was Thom Brennaman. It doesn’t matter. Whoever it was, he lost all credibility when he said “The Cowboys are missing Marion Barber, who they used to count on in 3rd and short situations”. We didn’t count on him. We hoped, through divine intervention, to pray him 3 feet forward for a first down. Alas, God had better things to do.

Our defense played great, and it held one of the scariest offenses in the league to a relatively low amount of points. We should be proud of it. I did not enjoy seeing one of our starting cornerbacks fail at covering a tight end in the end zone. It was a completely non- physical encounter. Hernandez simply outran Jenkins after the cut. But for the most part, we were solid.

Wes Welker is way too good to be a white dude. I think his mom’s name is Roshanda, a black woman who ate a lot of marshmellows during her pregnancy of little Wes. Seriously, he looks like a journeyman electrician from Arp, TX who just wants to work 10 hours a day, and then have a few Keystone Lights while he watches Fox News until he passes out with his hand on his junk… Man, that sure does sound fun. I’ll be right back.


Alright! Wow, Keystone still tastes like urine! But it sure was fun watching my wife try to figure out why my hand was in my pants!

Now that DeMarco “Hey Coach, I know the offense now” Murray knows the the offense now, I’d like to see him get more carries. Who does he remind you of when he runs? To me, he seems to move like LeSean McCoy. In case you were unaware, LeSean McCoy is badass. Great cuts, great vision, elusiveness, good hands. I’m not calling to start Murray, I’m just calling to see a little more of him. Not that it matters much. We don’t have any: BLOCKING!

I saw another nice Jason Garrett play that I enjoyed a good bit. Goal line, misdirection, play-action, Jason Witten touchdown. Which sets up my next point..

C onclusion:

Am I the only one who would like to see Jason Garrett get a shot at coaching a team with an offensive line that is at least AVERAGE at professional football!? Seriously, he has to call plays with a handicap. He has 5 monkeys on his back at all times. His offensive linemen. Obviously, we have good pieces in place. But we don’t have ALL of the pieces in place. There are so many pieces to the puzzle of our brilliant mosaic, and people have all sorts of different opinions. Some people believe that we absolutely MUST get rid of Romo. Some people believe that Jason Garrett might be smart, but he’s a football dumbass. Some people think we’re an Adrian Peterson away from averaging 30 points a game. While others put all of the blame on Jerry “The GM” Jones. No matter what the missing pieces are, I can assure you that they will be found. I won’t bore you with stats (because I hate looking up stats), but I read a stat somewhere that indicated that the Cowboys are NOT a bad football team, but that the coin just hasn’t been falling our way. Think about all of the close losses that we have had already this year. If you are having trouble hanging in there as you watch the Cowboys lose in the last 2 minutes of the game, then just drink an extra 7 or 8 beers. It will help. You can rest assured that this great franchise that we all love so dearly will find the pieces that it is looking for. Hang in there with me. I’m pumped up about watching the Dallas Cowboys.. Piece it together.

Q uickly Now:

-I still have 13 Twitter followers. Screw you, Twitter!
-Go Rangers! Did anyone see the picture of Dirk bumping fists with Michael Young at the Rangers game? That picture, to me, seemed to say a lot. It seems like the Cowboys are the nerd in class, and the Ranger and Mavericks are the “in-crowd” and are wearing the letter jackets. It’s pretty sad as a Cowboys fan, but I love the Ranger and Mavs too!
-I recently saw a video of a man tripping on shrooms, and uh… Don’t do shrooms.
-The new KFC cheese-bacon bowl is American idiocracy at it’s finest… And it looks so freaking delicious.
-Jim Harbaugh is a huge asshole, which is step 1 in becoming a great head coach. He’s gonna be a good one!
-I’ve never been a Simpsons fan, but Futurama is hilarious. I wonder why that is. It must be the freedom of the jokes given by the sci-fi/alien/robot setting.

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