After watching the Presidential Debate this week and after the debacle at Cowboys Stadium on Monday night, I wondered how it might have gone if instead of playing the game, Jason Garret debated Lovie Smith. It could have gone something like this:
Moderator: Jason, you won the coin toss and elected to go second, or be on defense first, so to speak. So, Lovie please respond to this question first. It is important to play well on defense. All records and ratings aside, what makes your defense better?
Lovie: Well, our linebackers are great. We have Brian Urlacher and Lance Briggs out there making plays and they would make the difference if we actually played the game. The Cowboys, on the other hand, are depending on a couple of young guys, Sean Lee and Bruce Carter that just don’t know anything yet. Also, DeMarcus Ware seems to be off his game and Anthony Spencer is injured. We all know that Victor Butler can’t stop the run.
Moderator: OK, Jason Garrett, what say you?
Jason: Lee and Carter will prove themselves this year to be the best inside linebackers in the league. Briggs and Urlacher are old, old, old and have lost a step. These guys (Lee and Carter), although very young, get it. They are among the fastest linebackers in the NFL and know how to sniff out a play and fly to the ball, not to mention Lee’s uncanny ability to intercept passes. Ware is healthier now and Butler has developed into a run stopper as well.
Moderator: OK Lovie, what about the defensive backfield?
Lovie: Well we are younger there, except for Charles Tillman and he is still at the top of his game. The Cowboys are trying to get it done with a rookie and a mercenary that came over for the big contract. Not too impressed with Orlando Scandrick, he’s such a little guy, and we all know Mike Jenkins can’t tackle. I think they just have way too many starting type corners to be effective.
Jason: Once again, this guy is depending on his elder statesmen to get it done, but this is a young man’s league. If it were not, I would just put myself on the roster as the backup quarterback and save all that money we are paying Kyle Orton. Too many starting corners to be effective? You may tell yourself that enough times to believe it, but I think it’s the most ridiculous statement I have ever heard.
That rookie was the second best player on our draft board and we have received nothing but outstanding play from our so called “mercenary”. Scandrick is one of the best in the NFL at covering the slot receiver and Jenkins is very good tackler, after having surgery on his shoulder.
Moderator: OK, in our next segment, it’s Jason’s turn to go first. Let’s speak offensively, uh, well I mean, let’s talk about the offense. Both teams have struggled with protecting the quarterback. Jason, why would it be different if you actually played against the Bears?
Jason: The Bears line is what it is, a sorry excuse for an NFL caliber offensive line. We, on the other hand, have upgraded our line with the addition of a couple of free agents and expect even better play from (now) left tackle Tyron Smith in his second year. The only thing holding us back is that we are converting from a man blocking scheme to a zone blocking scheme on the fly because of injuries during the pre-season. If we played the game, you would see how much better we have become.
Lovie: (Looking down at the podium as he answers) Am I allowed to pass on the question? I have to agree with Jason, our offensive line sucks.
Moderator: Well OK, Jason, what about the quarterback position?
Jason: Despite what some ignorant fans and so-called experts say, Tony Romo is an elite quarterback. He was third in quarterback rating last year and is the leader of our offense. He has the ability to make plays when the blocking is breaking down and would tear the Bears a new one if we actually played the game.
Jay Cutler is a loser and will always be a loser. He is so bad that the team that drafted him traded him. He averages one interception per game. What is his QB rating? It’s lousy, that’s what it is.
Moderator: Lovie, what is your response?
Lovie: We have a new offensive coordinator that will make better use of Jay’s talents. Tony has a lot of interceptions too.
Moderator: Jason, what about your receivers?
Jason: We have Dez Bryant just now coming into his own as an elite receiver and we have all seen what Miles Austin can do when he is healthy, and he is healthy now. We also have a re-dedicated Kevin Ogletree making plays and elite tight end Jason Witten, who won’t drop another pass this season. In addition, we have play makers Dwayne Harris and Cole Beasley that can’t even make it on the field because we have so much talent at the position.
My opponent’s receiving corps consist of basket case Brandon Marshall, unremarkable Earl Bennett and unheralded rookie Alshon Jeffery. Devin Hester is just a kick return guy and they don’t even throw to the tight end.
Moderator: Lovie, what is your response to that?
Lovie: We make do with what the owner gives us. I do think our receivers would do well in a game against the Cowboys. We traded for Marshall for a reason. Can’t argue with Jason’s assessment of his recievers.
Moderator: Closing statement time, Lovie you first.
Lovie: Go Bears!
Jason: We have the top rated defense in the NFL and lots of depth on that side of the ball. Our offense slowed down after the big victory against the New York Giants, but we are now ready to roll. If we actually played the Bears in a real game we would win big.
So there you have it. If they just debated, instead of playing the game, Cowboys win 42 to 0!