To GM Jerry Jones: Hail To The Thief


I almost tossed my coffee mug at the television screen this morning. I’m glad I didn’t; because the more I thought about it, the more I realized general manager Jerry Jones wasn’t worth a drip of my java.

Warning: This article has no intention to ruin your day — so do click on.

This morning I flipped the channel to NFL Network only to see the dork himself speak. Wonderful. A great way to start the week.

We all know something is wrong with Jerry Jones (besides Jerry Jones). I’m convinced the guy loves himself more than himself. (Is that even possible?) We can call it the “Terrell Owens Syndrome.” As Jones massaged the audience with calculated words, he attempted to justify the Dallas Cowboys 2013 Draft selections.

Sep 23, 2012; Arlington, TX, USA; Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones on the field prior to the game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Cowboys Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

Not going to happen Jerry.

While he spoke, I noticed something: Jerry Jones strategically kept his Super Bowl ring close to his face. It was as if he was playfully reflecting light from the ring into the camera.

Look at me people. I got the jewelry. I’m a winner; I’ve done this before.

Yeah, nearly two decades ago.

Let’s be clear here: The rock on his finger was not of his doing. His friend and coach, with the awesome hair, deserves that credit.

But you can’t tell Mr. Jones that. He won’t hear it. No matter the fact that the ring is decades too old. It’s irrelevant now.

Look, we’re glad you’re stuck in the 90’s Jerry. Cowboy fans would love nothing more than for you to be physically stuck there. But guess what? Fans aren’t. Coaches aren’t. Players aren’t.

So stop tweeting everyone pictures of that ring. If anything, Jerry Jones should strip himself of any jewelry. It might do him so good. Because every single time he looks at his hand, his ego hits reset.

And then here we go again, back around and around on the merry-go-round. Running a straight line in the opposite direction is change. Going in circles is not. But hey, look down at your hand and remind yourself it’s all possible.

Word on the street is that during the draft, Jerry Jones told his staff it’s time to come in with the new and out with the old. What a bunch of bologna. So picking a tight end with the second round pick is new? Oh, because nobody on staff has tried that before. Absolutely correct there sir.

Sorry? What’s that? Former Cowboy tight ends Anthony Fasano and Martellus Bennett, both second round picks, are calling. Whoops. Yeah, let’s go ahead and try to compliment starting tight end Jason Witten with some help. Because he sure needs it, Jerry.

It’s not like help is needed on the offensive line. Or Safety. Or Free Safety. Or a replacement for Doug Free.

You know what I would do with a second round pick? I’d pick a new general manager.

Am I the only one who is baffled here?

But maybe that’s the irony here — we are the fools. We are foolish to believe change was coming; that a revived ray of hope was at the horizon. When we wake from our dream state, we realize the fact that nothing has changed. And when nothing changes, expect the worse — another .500 season.

Super. I can’t wait. Hail to the thief. Jerry, you’ve succeed at stealing and crushing hearts. Hail to the thief. High fives all around.

I really had some hope for this draft. It was a chance to open a new window for some clean air. The Cowboys were in position to fill needs. But those weren’t filled correctly. Rather, the only thing filled (again) was a man’s ego. The dude updates his rhetoric, his swag, his staff, but fails to refresh the 1990’s blueprint. Help. Somebody.

Sorry? What’s that? I got to go friends. The Al Davis camp is on the line. Stay tuned. I’m going to find out how one becomes an idiot.

Don’t put your hand the air. You’re not going to get a high five in return.