TLH Exclusive-Rowdy’s Pre-Game Speech To The Dallas Cowboys


I managed to score a copy of Rowdy’s pre-game speech before the Cowboys game with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  His comments in full are shown in full below.

Aug 25, 2012; Arlington, TX, USA; Dallas Cowboys mascot Rowdy performs prior to the game against the St Louis Rams at Cowboys Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Matthew Emmons-US PRESSWIRE

“Dallas Cowboys, are you ready for some football?  Yeah, me too.  I don’t need to tell you how dismal last week was, not only for me and you, but for all of our fans as well.  One of the reasons I think we did so badly is that we weren’t aggressive enough.  We weren’t firing off at, or before, the snap of the ball, as indicated by the lack of false start penalties.

So, the expectation this week is for you to get back into an offensive flow comparable to game one against the Giants.  So, we fully expect to see more false start penalties.   The Seattle game was unusual in that Tony Romo only threw one interception, yet we still didn’t win.

The expectation for today is for Tony to throw another interception, preferably early in the game, and go on to win.   If you give up a couple of fumbles, and still win, that’s even better.  Now I am not in the habit of calling out players, but we lost last week, so here goes.

Tony Romo, I love the way you dodge and spin.  I hope we never get the line fixed so well that you no longer have to do that.  It’s just too fun to watch.
Jason Witten, where are you?  Four dropped passes last week?  Unbelievable.  Yeah, we all know about the spleen, but that was pre-season, aren’t you well yet?  I will put you down for just two dropped passes at critical times today.

Dez Bryant, so Seattle’s big corners pressed you last week and kept you from running your patterns?  Big deal, you can expect more of the same today.  We all know that the NFL is a copycat league, so everyone we play will be trying the same thing.  You can’t let them succeed.  Throw a tantrum like Terrell Owens, if it helps.

Miles Austin, I like that, even with your hamstring issues, you’re keeping it real.  Just don’t push yourself too much and re-injure those strings.  Play the game at three quarter speed and you will be fine.

Kevin Ogletree, it won’t be enough today to try to separate yourself from the defense, you will need to separate yourself from the officials too.  Watch out for that banana peel in the end zone disguised as a ref’s hat.

DeMarco Murray, we all know now that Tony Fiametta was the man and that Lawrence Vickers sucks in comparison.  But we can’t turn back the clock, so you gotta make it work.  For today, why not run from a one back set, so that when you get stuffed at the line and lose yardage, it’s not so embarrassing, because you didn’t have a lead blocker.

Doug Free, what happened to you man?  You were almost adequate when you signed the contract extension, but you’ve gone downhill since.  Don’t make us tear up that contract and replace it with one for the NFL minimum.

DeMarcus Ware, we need you to step up.  No sacks last week?  What’s up with that?  Those of us with the team know your hamstring was sore, but you gotta get over it and make it happen.  I have you down for two sacks today, good luck.

Sean Lee, you’re a beast.  It’s great to see you bounce back so quickly from that helmet to helmet collision.  You must be one hard headed guy.  Too bad you can’t throw a flag on the official when he messes up.  And Sean, I have a question for you.  Was Dan Connor this bad when he played next to you at Penn State?  You must have made him look better than he was.

Sep 23, 2012; Arlington, TX, USA; Tampa Bay Buccaneers running back LeGarrette Blount (27) jumps over Dallas Cowboys safety Barry Church (42) during the second quarter at Cowboys Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Tim Heitman-US PRESSWIRE

Barry Church, poor Barry Church.  I think you need to tell the coaches you have the flu and can’t play today.  I have a bad feeling about this one.

Jay Ratliff, get well soon.  We miss you out there.  We are planning to bring in a faith healer or medicine man (your choice) this week, just for you.

Felix Jones, keep running the ball out of the end zone on kick returns.  I know you will make it to the twenty yard line one of these days if you keep trying.

Chris Jones, if they get close enough to block one of your punts, get it out of there anyway, so that they will run into you and draw a penalty that can be tacked on to the inevitable muff by the Buccaneers kick returner, once we recover it.

I want you guys to know that I will be out there with you every step of the way, except when I am shooting the T-shirt gun into the stands, of course.

So there you have it guys.  Feel free to play your typical sloppy mistake riddled game, but just win baby.”

Editor’s note: Michael Huff is the author of two sports bestsellers, Rowdy-The Dallas Cowboys’ Quintessential Mascot and Rowdy-A Football Legend (Nosuch Publishing, LLC).