The Man Who Played Literally Hungry. Leon Lett.
By author
The Snickers people, in addition to creating delicious candy bars, are apparently in the business of redemption. They took it upon themselves to start an online movement to officially put an end to any resentment that people may hold for Mr. Leon Lett due to the infamous blunder that he committed against the Miami Dolphins on that fateful Thanksgiving day. They asked me to document the final chapter of the “Man Who Played Literally Hungry” redemption plan.
The story of the blunder can be seen here:
I wanted to interview Leon Lett and experience the end to so many grudges, but this was Thanksgiving! Should I really make the trip to Cowboy Stadium? Well, 80% of my family are UFC fighters, and holidays are usually one big battle royale, so I wasn’t going to miss the family aspect of the holiday. And I’ve never really enjoyed turkey, because of those things that hang off of their chins. Not for me. So I decided that I would make the journey to Arlington and take part in Leon Lett’s climactic ending to the “Man Who Played Literally Hungry” saga.
When I got to the Ford Mustang that we were to ride around the stadium in, my first thought was “Am I going to ride on
the hood?” I mean, Leon Lett is huge. How can we both fit in this vehicle? I would suspect that his calf muscle alone would snap the axle. But, alas, Ford created a sturdy device, and it held his weight fine. He was very grateful for the opportunity to ride around to different tailgate parties and sign autographs for fans while they shouted “We forgive you,Leon!” or “Keep the car in park for 10 minutes so that you can sign every single item in my purse!” Ok, nobody yelled that, but my point is that Leon signed a lot of stuff. But he was smiling the entire time. There were some Dolphin fans there too. They did get autographs, but we didn’t give them Snickers. I mean, come on. They drove all the way to Arlington from Miami. How many Snickers must they have consumed on their journey to the Metroplex? Thousands, is my guess. Thousands of Snickers. Hell, I drove 2 hours to get there and I myself consumed roughly 327 Snickers. I suspect that Leon may has smuggled a few Snickers to those Dolphins fans while I wasn’t looking. He’s too nice for having been an NFL defensive lineman.
He did get a bit unruly at times, like when I was standing on the back of the car shouting “Teen Wolf! Hey, Leon! Teen Wolf!”. We almost got into it, but I gave him that “Don’t mess with me” look and he backed down. And, obviously, I just made that part up. Because I’m pretty sure whether Leon had just satisfied his craving for a Snickers or not, he could still eat me faster than my boxer bulldog inhales his Purina Chef Michael’s Canine Creations Canned Dog Food. Of course Leon Lett wasn’t unruly! He was on cloud nine! He was being forgiven by thousands of fans, AND he had a bag full of Snickers behind him.
In the end, I was glad that I could be part of this experience. Of course we forgive Leon Lett! He was one of the great football player for America’s team! He is a multiple Super Bowl winning, run stopping, quarterback smashing, pro bowl caliber, Snickers eating giant of gridiron glory! No true Cowboys fan would hold a grudge like that. Not even a false Cowboys fan would hold that grudge. Because false fans don’t have hands, and they look like ghosts in chains. Like on that Sonic commercial.
Leon Lett. The Big Cat! You are officially forgiven, my friend. Thank you for the memories, good and bad. And thank you for reminding us to play hungry! But.. Not LITERALLY hungry.
I love peanuts.
Here is a little audio from the magical day.