I would rather have flaming bamboo shoved under my fingernails than cheer for this man because of a fantasy league(Credit: Kirby LeeUS PRESSWIRE)

From the very beginning fantasy football seemed asinine/ludicrous to me: I am a Dallas Cowboy fan, that means I hate every other team and every player that doesn’t play for the Cowboys. There are surprisingly few exceptions to my rule against not liking any non-Cowboy players: I can only think of the occasional ‘all-century team’ player like Barry Sanders or Walter Payton, and a few former Cowboys like Emmitt as a Cardinal or Dorsett as a Bronco.

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- When I put something in the microwave, I never set the timer for a round number of seconds. If it needs 30 seconds, it gets 33 (Tony Dorsett), if it needs 20 seconds, it gets 22 (Emmitt Smith), if it needs a minute and a half, it gets 88 seconds (Michael Irvin), if something needs 1 minute, I will Sean Lee it and then Romo it (50 an 9 seconds respectively).

- When the woman who eventually became my wife moved in with me, I made it a point to get a prior agreement that there would be no Christmas Tree in my house. My problems with the holiday and the way it is celebrated are not the point. In mid-December, our third year living together, I came home late one night after being out with the boys and was horrified to see what appeared to be the silhouette of a Christmas tree in my living room. I was furious! I momentarily lamented the fact that I did not own a flamethrower and then stormed to the bedroom ready to unleash a barrage of indignant ultimatums. She was awake and waiting, after I ranted for few minutes, she calmly got up, went into the living room and said, “I don’t know what you are talking about. There is no Christmas tree in this house.” I flew to the light-switch as I accusingly demanded, “What the hell is that then?” When the light came on, I saw a tree with dark blue and silver garland wrapped around it, a few dark blue and silver glass balls, and a bunch of silver stars. She smugly informed me: “This is not a Christmas tree. It’s a “Good-luck for the Dallas Cowboys Playoffs tree.” We have the same tree every year, even when the Cowboys don’t make the playoffs; it stays up as long as there are more games.  And yes, I finally agreed to presents being placed under it.

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