With the Dallas Cowboys poised to end the preseason with a record of 1 — 4 (Yes, the Hall of Fame Exhibition / Preseason game counts) I started wondering if there was anything more that I could do to support the Cowboys, short of running onto the field to recover fumbles. Cowboy Nation sends the Cowboys plenty of good luck with superstitious activities, we have to overpower the haters.
On game days, my son and I dress in matching jerseys and I make sure I have some Tito’s vodka to drink responsibly. During game winning field goals, my brother Michael Black and I stand up and turn our backs to the field. When we’re together, like against the San Francisco 49′ers in 2011 and against the Cincinnati Bengals in 2012, it works. Unfortunately, it fails to work when we’re separated because he was at the Baltimore Ravens game in 2012 without me.
This season, I have also decided to send the Cowboys some good luck, even if it comes from powerful black magic. If you’re a die-hard member of Cowboy Nation, you have probably taken advantage of the networking ability of social media to associate with others. A Cowboys Facebook group is how I met my Cowboys’ black magic guru who was able to have a friendly interview with me. Without further ado, Cowboy Nation, I would like you to meet Jobu Cowboys and his human minion, Mark Holmes.
Me: So Jobu, I was born a Cowboys fan, but until I started joining a bunch of Cowboys Facebook groups, I hadn’t heard about you. I feel late to the party. What are your origins? How’d you come to be? Was their chanting and lightning like in the movie Chucky??
Mark: Well Jobu just had his first birthday on the 15th National rum day (August 16th). I was in New Orleans last offseason and thought since the Super Bowl was in New Orleans, Voodoo should be the theme for the year. I bought some voodoo stuff there and Jobu put me under his spell.
Me: I’ve seen photos of Jobu everywhere! You get around like Kendrick Lamar’s Control verse. When was the first time you witnessed Jobu’s powers at work?
Mark: He took me to the Giants game in NY and we took pictures. His number 13 comes from the seat number we had. At first all the Giants fans laughed at the Cowboys’ fan with the “doll”. By the end of the game, they were scared of him.
Me: Oh yeah, that was Kevin Ogletree’s breakout game, right?
Mark: That was! What a game that was.
Me: I knew there was something unnatural about Ogletree’s performance that night. Perhaps Ogletree should’ve paid for Jobu’s airfare for all the Cowboys games.
Jobu: LOL. Well not to wish bad on anyone but Friday I was at Giants camp two feet away from Victor Cruz and right now he’s in a walking boot. I’m just saying.
Me: I saw your pictures inside the Eagles stadium and I’ve seen pictures of you at Redskins training camp before Kirk Cousins injured his foot. Save some of that stuff for when the season starts.
Mark: I’ve been blessed to be able to go to different events like Super Bowl, Pro Bowl, Hall Of Fame game, so I try to get interesting pics of Jobu. I wish I could take all my friends with me on these events but I can’t, so I try to share them by using Jobu.
Jobu: I’m trying to get inside the Cowboys locker room pre-game. I only need a minute!
Me: When you travel that much, I guess it helps that Jobu is single. I try to go to two or three games a season and I send flowers while I’m away to avoid the dog house.
Mark: Close, I’m married to an awesome woman.
Jobu: I’m single, but if I ever find my soulmate, our combined voodoo powers would make the Cowboys another unstoppable dynasty. I’m talking 13 straight Super Bowl victories. Of course, she would have to be a Cowboys fan.
Me: 13 straight! I wonder if we can make you a profile on Match.com?
Mark: When we’re out, I’m just living thru Jobu. Jobu gets away with things I never could. The ladies love him. I really kept him in a small circle of friends last year, but Jobu made a Facebook page and that was all she wrote.
Me: Jobu, what’s your goal for the year, besides terrorizing opposing players and fans?
Jobu: I’m back to help the Cowboys get over the hump.
Mark: Jobu brings together Cowboy fans that believe in getting our Mojo back.
Me: Gotcha. Any chance you’ll drop the rum and drink Tito’s Vodka? It’s made in Austin, Texas, so I’ve been declaring it to be the official unofficial drink of Cowboy Nation.
Jobu: Well when they lose one, we will try that. You know, it’s only weird if it doesn’t work. I think they stole that from me.
Me: We’ve had two 8 — 8 seasons. What would be an acceptable year for Jobu? Can you make a prediction?
Jobu: Super Bowl Victory! We need a 10 — 6 record to make it to the dance. That’s my goal to get to them to the playoffs, then it’s up for grabs.
Me: A Super Bowl? Meh! Those are lofty expectations to most people, but purely reasonable for the members of Cowboy Nation. If they don’t make the Superbowl this year, folks might blame Jobu.
Mark: You know if Dallas tanks, they will burn Jobu.
Me: We’ll just have to keep Jobu away from Jason Garrett. Last year, we were hit with an insane amount of defensive injuries. Is there a chance that there’s another voodoo doll with stronger powers than Jobu? Do you sense anything? Is there a disturbance in the force?
Jobu: There isn’t another one and last year I was just getting my feet wet. I may have mispronounced a word in a spell or two (blame the rum), but I’m ready for this season. I had my own voodoo training camp.
Mark: This year he’s already been to all the division rivals to steal their MoJo. He’s also been to the Hall of Fame to get some of that old Cowboys magic back. This is the year 2013, it’s his number.
Jobu: That’s right! It’s my year!
Me: What can the members of Cowboy Nation do to help enhance your powers this season?
Jobu: If you’re of legal age and drinking responsibly — finish your drink & balance the glass upside down. If you’re at a sports bar, remove one chicken wing or french fry from the pile and set it on the side by itself. You have to make sure it’s not touching anything else. Finally, whether you’re at the stadium or watching it on television, cross your fingers and chant “Jobu!”.
Me: Well you can count on me to do my part. Thanks for your time guys. Go Cowboys!
Currently, Jobu has more than 1,000 friends on Facebook. To join him on his adventures, visit Jobu Cowboys and send him a friend request. Jobu’s Fan page has more than 600 Likes and of course there’s Instagram.
Feel free to comment with your good luck rituals!
Edit: Another superstitious thing I do: My Terrell Owens Cowboy jersey is 2 — 0 when worn at games against teams he’s played for. It brought us victories at Cincinnati and San Francisco. Now I have to wear it when the Cowboys play Buffalo and Philadelphia. #ItsOnlyWeird
Tags: Dallas Cowboys