Sep 23, 2012; Arlington, TX, USA; Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones on the field prior to the game against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Cowboys Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

To GM Jerry Jones: Hail To The Thief


I almost tossed my coffee mug at the television screen this morning. I’m glad I didn’t; because the more I thought about it, the more I realized general manager Jerry Jones wasn’t worth a drip of my java.

Warning: This article has no intention to ruin your day — so do click on.

This morning I flipped the channel to NFL Network only to see the dork himself speak. Wonderful. A great way to start the week.

We all know something is wrong with Jerry Jones (besides Jerry Jones). I’m convinced the guy loves himself more than himself. (Is that even possible?) We can call it the “Terrell Owens Syndrome.” As Jones massaged the audience with calculated words, he attempted to justify the Dallas Cowboys 2013 Draft selections.

Not going to happen Jerry.

While he spoke, I noticed something: Jerry Jones strategically kept his Super Bowl ring close to his face. It was as if he was playfully reflecting light from the ring into the camera.

Look at me people. I got the jewelry. I’m a winner; I’ve done this before.

Yeah, nearly two decades ago.

Let’s be clear here: The rock on his finger was not of his doing. His friend and coach, with the awesome hair, deserves that credit.

But you can’t tell Mr. Jones that. He won’t hear it. No matter the fact that the ring is decades too old. It’s irrelevant now.

Look, we’re glad you’re stuck in the 90′s Jerry. Cowboy fans would love nothing more than for you to be physically stuck there. But guess what? Fans aren’t. Coaches aren’t. Players aren’t.

So stop tweeting everyone pictures of that ring. If anything, Jerry Jones should strip himself of any jewelry. It might do him so good. Because every single time he looks at his hand, his ego hits reset.

And then here we go again, back around and around on the merry-go-round. Running a straight line in the opposite direction is change. Going in circles is not. But hey, look down at your hand and remind yourself it’s all possible.

Word on the street is that during the draft, Jerry Jones told his staff it’s time to come in with the new and out with the old. What a bunch of bologna. So picking a tight end with the second round pick is new? Oh, because nobody on staff has tried that before. Absolutely correct there sir.

Sorry? What’s that? Former Cowboy tight ends Anthony Fasano and Martellus Bennett, both second round picks, are calling. Whoops. Yeah, let’s go ahead and try to compliment starting tight end Jason Witten with some help. Because he sure needs it, Jerry.

It’s not like help is needed on the offensive line. Or Safety. Or Free Safety. Or a replacement for Doug Free.

You know what I would do with a second round pick? I’d pick a new general manager.

Am I the only one who is baffled here?

But maybe that’s the irony here — we are the fools. We are foolish to believe change was coming; that a revived ray of hope was at the horizon. When we wake from our dream state, we realize the fact that nothing has changed. And when nothing changes, expect the worse — another .500 season.

Super. I can’t wait. Hail to the thief. Jerry, you’ve succeed at stealing and crushing hearts. Hail to the thief. High fives all around.

I really had some hope for this draft. It was a chance to open a new window for some clean air. The Cowboys were in position to fill needs. But those weren’t filled correctly. Rather, the only thing filled (again) was a man’s ego. The dude updates his rhetoric, his swag, his staff, but fails to refresh the 1990′s blueprint. Help. Somebody.

Sorry? What’s that? I got to go friends. The Al Davis camp is on the line. Stay tuned. I’m going to find out how one becomes an idiot.

Don’t put your hand the air. You’re not going to get a high five in return.

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Tags: Jerry Jones NFL Draft The Dallas Cowboys

  • http://www.facebook.com/sean.anchondo Sean Anchondo

    when escobar is scoring touchdowns and helping putting the cowboys redzone offense in the elite, you are not allowed to cheer

    • Aaron

      Without a revamped line, do you really think Romo’s going to have time to find Escobar? They should have drafted Warford to beef up the interior of the line and found Hanna in the end zone, if not foe Wittenberg.

  • MCA

    Lets let this draft class play first before we start with all the hate.

    • Marc Tannenbaum

      I don’t follow that line of thinking. Since they did not draft the offensive line, defensive tackle and safety help they desperately needed, why do we have to wait to see if Escobar etc. will be a good player to evaluate the draft today? And how can anyone rationalize trading down from 18 to 31 in exchange for a 3rd round pick? Seriously now, that’s market value? And a slow center who can’t play the position but might project to being a useable guard in the first round?

      The problem of course is there is no accountability when you are both owner and GM. And Jerry clearly does not see himself as accountable to the fan base or he would have hired a GM. The best take on this draft is by Mike Vu below: “ego picks”, i.e. “come look at how clever I am as I trade down and pass on blue chip players in need positions”.

  • Dave

    First of all this is in fact day-ruining-material. Secondly, who do you think hired Jimmy Johnson?

  • http://twitter.com/OldFrog75 Old Frog

    So many (myself included) bash JJ. So many more (myself not included) bash JG. And yet none of our best players ever ask to be traded to a
    ‘legitimate’ Super Bowl contender. Witten and Ware, for example, two of our most deserving players seem content to playout their entire careers on a mediocre team without ever even sniffing a SB. Why is that? I guess because the money is good enough, the facilities are good enough, life in Dallas is good enough, and knowing you’re a lock for the HOF is good enough, but still…wouldn’t you want that ring?

    • disqus_kLJwdEdnOL

      I have played for championship teams (baseball) and also teams that lost more than they won. Players can get comfortable with losing and come to expect it after a while. I do not see any players on the Cowboys that say or show that losing is unacceptable indicating they are indeed comfortable with mediocrity. This will not change until after those players are no longer on the team or a leader comes aboard who will not accept losing. Roger Staubach was that kind of player.

    • Michael Vu

      Interesting thought Old Frog.

      I know the 90′s group wanted that ring. I do believe this group does, and badly too. But at the end of the day, after another eight losses, its seems okay to live without that ring.

  • disqus_kLJwdEdnOL

    Michael, thanks for telling it like it is. For years I was like many of the fans today thinking that the draft and free agency signings were well thought out and would make the Cowboys contenders. Then after several years of seeing mediocrity I started to realize something was very wrong. It was not long after that I came to the conclusion it had to be poor management. Then watching JJ fumble time and time again there was no doubt I was correct. The only person that probably really likes JJ as a general manager is Al Davis for eliminating him as the worst general manager ever in the NFL.

    • Michael Vu

      Same here. Cowboys know what they needed to fix with this draft. It couldn’t get more obvious. And were the needs addressed? No, the wants were. We checked off the luxury picks; the experiment picks; the ego picks.

  • tellin da truth

    Luv ,Jerry win or lose Entertainment always now Frederick name is more popular than Vaccaro!

  • billy

    get a grip michael, the boys had a good draft. i think its one of the best theyve had under jj. it looks so much better than when wade was here. i dont believe wade knew a football player from a bass guitar and neither does jj but jason seems to or someone does because the drafts have been better the last two or three years. just because they didnt draft the way you thought they should , dosent mean they had a bad draft. jerry pays out a lot of money for scouts and coaches to tell him which players to pick. as long as he listens to them we will be ok i think. all the teams make mistakes and i mean all. so lets give the boys the benefit until they are proved wrong. you will be much better satisfied as a fan that way. i mean i hate jj too but might as well make the best of it until he passes

  • Jeff

    Excuse me but I missed the nfl team you work for. Obviously a guy that knows exactly what these draft picks will turn out to be months before they play their first preseason game is football genius and must be a gm for an awesome team.

  • gabe

    Could not of said it better myself!

  • Col Pickering

    Having just discovered your website, I must say it is a refreshing breeze of objectivity in comparison with the fan-boy, sunshine-blowing likes of Cowboys iNfatuATIION and Bragging the Boys – where the Cowboys are always a mere step away from glory (despite a generation of evidence to the contrary). Keep up the great work Landry Hat.

    • Michael Vu

      Much thanks Col. We got some great writers here, so do stop by again!