Elvis’ crooning to the contrary, Dallas Cowboys’ Nation knows there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a “Blue Christmas.” In fact, when we look under the tree on December 25, we hope to find a token from our favorite team. In case you haven’t done your shopping, Mr. Jones, here are a few ideas for your faithful fans.
Screening for Steelers: When the Pittsburgh Steelers rolled in to Cowboys Stadium on December 16, seeing all those terribly tacky towels waving in Jerry’s World was enough to make any self-respecting Cowboys fan lose his/her lunch. Our solution is simple. Screen ticket sales with a series of questions that only a Dallas fan would know. Do they prefer black or blue? Who is their favorite NFL player of all time? Who has the ugliest throwback uniforms in all the league? If they give a suspicious answer, deny entrance to your billion dollar baby and save us all some indigestion.
Ditch the Distractions: Since moving from the Old Grey Lady known as Texas Stadium to your palatial palace, we have noticed a drastic decrease in football atmosphere. In other words, the wine and cheesers have taken over. We have souvenir cups with art on them, dancing chicks and fake drummers, and the ginormatron that makes it easier for the folks in the nose-bleeds to sit back and watch tv than the team way, WAY, down on the field. Since we know you aren’t likely to scale back on the art or give the go-go girls their pink slips, may we suggest a fire sale on tickets for at least one game a year so that the beer and peanut bunch can give us a real home field advantage by sitting closer to the action.
Silence Can Be Golden: Those pesky third down conversions notwithstanding, the Dallas defense has shown flashes of improvement this year. The addition of Brandon Carr has certainly paid
dividends and we can hopefully look forward to a 2013 season that will not be plagued with injuries. That being said, we think one hole in our defense that definitely needs plugging is Rob Ryan’s mouth. As we move forward into a new year, we think a muzzle over our defensive coordinator’s pie hole would prove invaluable. That way when he feels the urge to provide bulletin material for future opponents he would be forced to avoid temptation and therefore save us all some misery.
In Case You Have Some Extra Cash…: We think it would be a splendid idea if you built a Dallas Cowboys Museum of History for the greatest franchise on earth. We know there is already a Ring of Honor, but think about all the Cowboys memories that could be relived over and over for future generations of Dallas fans. There could be a wing for each decade of Dallas Cowboys, not to mention a special place for Texas Stadium and, if you are feeling really generous, a spot for the grestest Cowboys fan of all time, Whistlin’ Ray. If the nostalgia doesn’t get you…think of the revenue.
We know we’re asking a lot, but we’ve been good this season and only thrown pillows at the television a few times. No pressure, though, Mr. Jones. The best of Blue Christmases to you and yours…and we mean that in a good way.