I recently received an email from a reader that wishes to remain anonymous. He asks “Who do you think would be a better undrafted free agent signing for the Dallas Cowboys, a werewolf or Bigfoot?”
I immediately went to my Cowboys’ schedule and calendar and saw that none of the night games were during a full moon. So, I was inclined to answer Bigfoot. But then I remembered the movie “Teen Wolf”. I will provide more on that after I address the weaknesses of Bigfoot as an NFL player.
Despite his ability to elude detection all these years, I feel that Bigfoot is just a big dumb beast. Because of this, he would be very difficult to coach. Sure, you could hand him the ball every play and he would not be tackled.
But, will he run the right direction, will he stay in bounds, will he wait for the snap count and will he be in the right position for the handoff? Can he be taught how to properly carry the ball? Will he attack the ref if he blows the whistle at him? Will the NFL consider him an animal and not even allow him to play?
A werewolf like the one in “Teen Wolf” on the other hand would be a great player. This type of werewolf can turn it on and off at will, no full moon required. So he would be at his very best on game day.
And, as in the movie, he retains many human characteristics like his intellect, language skills and, just as important, his hands and the ability to walk upright.
He would not be banned from the league, because he is just a very hairy human. He would be the ultimate running quarterback, as well have having the strongest arm in the NFL. He would be able to play on defense too.
As a middle linebacker, he would lead the league in sacks and tackles and likely not even let the other team score.
I am sure that once this story is published, the Cowboys’ staff will begin searching for such a candidate, but I am not sure they know where to look.
Problem, there is likely more than one, so every team will want one.