IPCQ: Week 13, Dallas Cowboys VS Arizona Cardinals. We put the icing on our own cake.

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P aragraphical Notage:

Alright you MF’s. Let’s get this part out of the way. Garrett did ice his own kicker. He called a time out before the kick. I am in the 1% here. I am not going to blame Garrett for this. I like to imagine that Bailey DIDN’T give that little practice kick and make it. Or I can imagine that he did give the practice kick, and missed it. And then I can say in my head “Well, it didn’t matter anyway because he missed the first one” Well, you know, the first one doesn’t exist. It didn’t happen. What about the 30 practice kicks from the 50 yard line before the game even started? Do we look at those? Where does this madness end? Let’s get over it. He called a time out to give Bailey a kick that wasn’t rushed. That logic makes sense. Now let’s discuss what DOESN’T make sense.

There were roughly 20 seconds that were utterly wasted. Romo got everyone to the line and they failed to run a play. A quick slant, a hook route, a crossing route, a RUN (which was a rare occurrence in this game), anything to get more yards. They did nothing. They thought that the 50 yard field goal was a good spot. Really? 45 doesn’t sound better? What about 40? Or 35? Hell, even 48 is an improvement. But we settled for the mid-field kick when we could have ran one or two additional plays to make the kick easier for Dan The Man Bailey. Again, I’m not concerned about “icing our own kicker” so much as the 20 second clock run-down for no apparent reason.

My, Kevin Kolb looked fiery, didn’t he? And I’m not talking about his emotions. I’m talking about his face that looked like a tanning bed made him motor boat it’s chest for 6 hours. I don’t recall him looking like a Southern Florida jet ski salesman, but he has certainly adapted his face to that roll. Maybe he is going for the “Jersey Shore” look. Or maybe he is cleverly protesting white bread. I like wheat bread better, so I would support his stance. But not at the cost of my face.

We didn’t really run the ball much, which is weird, because we’ve been wildly successful this season when it comes to running the ball. In a low scoring game (13-13 regulation time) you would think that each team had been running the ball a lot. Not the case. I wonder how we managed such a low score with 42 passes from Romo. Are we trying to keep Murray healthy? He only carried the ball 12 times. This isn’t peewee football. He can take more than 12 carries. I think to make up for his lack of carries against the Cardinals, we need to give him additional carries against our next opponent. He needs to get 87 carries against the Giants next week.

How about our defense? We looked like a “bend but don’t break” defense during the 1st 4 quarters but then during overtime we turned into a “bend over and then get blunder busted” defense. And boy did we get blunder busted. LaRob Stevens-Howling-Bertrand-Robinson-The 3rd-Ivy-Dunkin-McDaniels-Robertson-Felkner really gashed us when the gashing got good. I have to give the Cardinals credit on that play. I didn’t see the screen coming. I don’t think ANYONE saw the screen coming. But what was bad, is that when our defense saw that the screen had already came, they sat back and watched it go. All the way to the end zone. Is there any better way to expose a secondary than to let a running back run straight into it, yell “I’m here!” and then watch them all run around twisting their knees and swatting at air? Man alive! I felt like we had 5 injured Terrance Newman’s out there!

The Cowboys don’t need to draft a cornerback or a safety next year. They need to draft a man with a high-powered sniper rifle. Because that may be the ONLY way that we stop an offensive skill player in the open field. But what can you do? If your fastest defenders can’t catch their running back then you’re pretty much screwed. I mean, finding adequate pursuit angles is too much to ask. And all of that chasing would make ANYONE tired, even pro athletes. That is why I can not wait until the NFL allows cyborgs into the league. Now obviously I’d like to keep a human as the quarterback. Perhaps fit him with a robotic arm, to enhance his throwing power and range. But keep his human brain in tact. But I would want the entire defense to be cyborgs. They never get tired. The only problem is that the Michael Jenkins bot would be in need of constant repairs. That’s okay though. That’s fine. Jerry can afford top notch repair men. And as tempting as a cyborg kicker with a hydraulic leg sounds…

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Tags: Arizona Cardinals Dallas Cowboys Dan Bailey Funny IPCQ Jason Garrett Seth Jones Tony Romo

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