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IPCQ: Week 8, Dallas Cowboys vs. Philadelphia Eagles. The Boys looked like "CAW! CAW!"

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P aragraphical Notage:

DeMarco Murray was averaging close to 10 yards per carry. That’s pretty good. Si senor? Si, es bueno. Muy biblioteca. I’d like to see more humans running footballs through two fatter humans. It seemed effective. I understand that when you fall behind, you feel inclined to pass the ball. But 5 yards a carry is 5 yards a carry. That, or anything above it is hard to turn down.

Are we finished with Martellus Bennett yet? He’s horrible. Jerry, I understand that you drafted him in the 2nd round, but you need to count your losses. He doesn’t have what it takes to play professional football successfully. He can block, yes. But a lot of tight ends can block. He is completely unreliable in the passing game. He causes turnovers. Get rid of him.

Laurent Robinson looked good! His goatee was very neatly trimmed and his jaw line seems to be solid. Also, his calf muscles weren’t too big, but they still had some good definition. Oh, he played well too! This is exactly why he is here. For those rare occasions when Miles Austin AND Dez Bryant get shut down. If we would have won, he would have received high praise. However, in the loss, he is written off as the guy who got the trash yardage. His days will come. If he remains a Cowboy for the rest of the season, he will definitely make an impact that help us secure a win or two. He may also get super bowl MVP, if we decide to trade him. What? The trade deadline has already passed? Sorry, Laurent! Maybe next year!

So….. I’m sure that everyone noticed all of the underneath yardage that the Eagles racked up. Short passes, draws, runs. I understand that you want to take away the deep ball, but you can’t shoot yourself in the foot so that you can ride in a cool wheelchair during summer break (which I did my freshman year, and it was worth it. Wheelchairs are really fun as long as you can get out of them within 30 days) Where was the Rob Ryan defense that we know and love? The one that blitzes safeties, mixes coverages, and attempts to rattle and confuse the opposing quarterback. It disappeared. The only thing that we saw from our beloved Rob The Barbarian defense was sacks..Which leads me to my NEXT paragraph…

Paper or plastic? Which to you prefer? I prefer plastic, because paper bags can cut you and they dry out my hands. Dry hands lead to lotion on my desk. Lotion on my desk leads to my friends pointing at me and laughing when they come over. I don’t get it. But seriously, you guys! DeMarcus Ware is great! He handles business like an insurance salesman during a tornado watch. He’s like a robot trucker. Always ready to go. Never flinching. Drawing power from the vehicle so that he can run all day and all night off of the current from the alternator. It’s unfortunate that he is bald, he doesn’t deserve that kind of treatment from God. He is a good person. But if baldness is the price he has to pay for dominant defensive play, then I’m sure that he’s ok with it.

Did anyone see the pictures of Al Michaels and Cris Collinsworth where they dressed up as Troy Polamalu? Al Michaels looked like a 50 year old woman who has smoked 2 packs a day for 35 years. And Collinsworth looked like Ronnie James Dio! I’d say that Collinsworth won that dress up battle. I know that NBC took that picture because it was a Halloween game, but I think that they are onto something. Every week, they should dress up as something or someone. I’d like for Cris Collinsworth to dress up as Al Michaels and for Al Michaels to dress up as Cris Collinsworth. And I’d want them both to do the entire broadcast in their best John Madden impressions. Then people may actually un-mute the game! I kid, I kid. I don’t dislike that broadcasting duo. I think they do a pretty decent job. I do have a friend, however (Mike Tyson) who can’t stand Cris Collinsworth. He says that he doesn’t believe skeletons should be allowed to broadcast games. And I disagree heavily. Skeletons are people, too!..At least, they WERE people, before they were reanimated by demon magic and wrapped themselves in bologna, which works as a white person skin replica. I don’t think my friend (Mike Tyson) has a problem with zombies, though..So I guess he doesn’t mind Al Michaels.

And he loves werewolves, so he’s a huge Michele Tafoya fan!

Why are people so mean? I hate humans.

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