Cowboys vs. Eagles Crime Scene Investigation: The Usual Suspects

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Suspect #4: The Offensive Line

Positions: OG, OT, C

Aliases: Young Guns, Diaper Dandies, Love Handles

Wrap Sheet/Priors: None. They haven’t been around long enough.

Crimes their accused of: Inability to pass block. Inability to protect quarterback. Being too young, too injured and too inexperienced.

Eye witness statement:“Did you just say that the entire offensive line trained with a Matador this week???”

Conclusion: Prime Suspects.

Suspect #5: Keith Brooking

Position: ILB

Aliases: Obi-wan, The Mad Goatee, Roided Matt Damon

Wrap Sheet/Priors: Missed tackles, no coverage skills

Crimes their accused of: Aging, Reaction time of a Sloth, Man-hugging instead of tackling

Eye witness statement:“I think Brooking forgot to drink his Ensure this morning.”

Conclusion: Prime Suspect.

Suspect #6: The Defensive Line

Positions: DE, DT

Aliases: Tons-o-Fun, Ratliff and the Rattlers, Super-Size Us

Wrap Sheet/Priors: Got caught doing a four technique instead of a three technique once.

Crimes their accused of: Inability to pass rush. Inability to stop the run. Possible Romantic Man-Crushes on LeSean McCoy.

Eye witness statement:“Did you just say that the entire defensive line trained with a Matador this week too???”

Conclusion: Prime Suspects.

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Tags: Dallas Cowboys Dez Bryant Jason Garrett Jay Ratliff Keith Brooking Miles Austin Philadelphia Eagles Rob Ryan Tony Romo Tyron Smith

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