IPCQ: Week 7, Dallas Cowboys VS St Louis Rams. Who got rammed?

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By Seth Jones.

I ntroduction:

When you fall off of a horse, it is said that the best thing you can do is to get back on the horse. But what if the horse you fell off of was part demon, 16 feet tall, and made out of burning embers? Well, I don’t imagine that getting back on that particular horse would be very good for your psyche. You need to find a well trained pony. Something that obeys your every command. You need a horse that won’t even ATTEMPT to buck you off. Did the Cowboys find a pony after the heart-breaking loss to the Patriots? I think so. The fact that the Rams were missing their greatest weapon, Sam Bradford, helped them confirm their little pony status.

Aside from the fact that the Cowboys beat a team that they were supposed to beat, they did some good things. They made strides to improve. A young star had a breakout game. Do you remember the last time this happened? Miles Austin broke a record or two, and then went on to become a premier receiver in the league. Could DeMarco continue his success just as Miles did? Only time will tell. Games like this are opportunities. It is an opportunity to build confidence. It is an opportunity to build trust. It is an opportunity to pad stats. Unless you’re Miles Austin, who only earned me one point in my fantasy league. This season we’ve gotten rammed by several teams, and it hurt, but this week we were able to ram the Rams! And isn’t that cool, in an ironic sort of way? 

P aragraphical Notage:

As soon as the game started, it was fairly obvious that Feely was completely out of sync with his receivers. He simply doesn’t have the on-field reps required to establish the appropriate chemistry with his receiving corps for a successful passing attack in this professional sport of football. Plus, he sucks. So there’s that.

The first offensive play by the Cowboys was a 7 yard run by Tashard Choice. This hardened my sullen nipples as if I were in pre-game shirtless stretching mode for a sumo wrestling match on top of Mount Kilimanjaro. I saw a successful run! Up to this point in the season, these moments of offensive line superiority are so precious. Little did I know that this was simply a gust of wind before an upcoming storm.

And then the thunder rolled, and the darkest cloud in the sky shat out DeMarco Murray. He trickled through the line of scrimmage like a droplet of rain. He shifted past the safety like a fickle gust of wind. And he bolted towards the endzone like a line of electricity streaking swiftly for it’s beloved ground. A great hole opened up, yes. But he made a great cut at the 2nd level, and he had the break away speed to take it to the house. A rental house, I’m assuming. Nobody can accuse Murray of living in the endzone. Hopefully he will turn into a frequent visitor though.

I enjoyed the Cadillac Williams fumble. It’s always nice whenever the other team fumbles, but it is especially nice when the fumbler goes by the name of an over-priced vehicle that is popular in ghettos and Southern Baptist churches. He must have blown a tire in that wreck, because he didn’t do much for the rest of the game.

The second quarter brought forth the violent running styles of Dezmond Ontario Bryant. Dez! Why you gotta be so mean? You’re making me quote Taylor Swift lyrics! Seriously, this man runs like an angry fullback. Thrashing and swatting. Bashing and spinning. And all of this while wearing 300,000 dollar ear rings. But hey, you’re allowed to be a dumbass when your talent is so immense. Just ask Donte Stallworth.

I’m going to throw a bold opinion out there. After the Jason Witten touchdown catch, I thought to myself “Jason Witten may be the greatest tight end named ‘Jason Witten’ to have ever played in the NFC East”. Now hear me out! Out of all of the tight ends named Jason Witten who have played 16 or more games in the NFC East, the Cowboys’ Jason Witten has the most touchdown catches, receiving yards, and yards per reception. The stats don’t lie. I’m not saying that we have to put him into the NFC East hall of fame, but everyone should consider it. Such production can not be over-looked.

Again, Laurent Robinson is showing us that he isn’t just some nomad fill-in receiver. He is a legit weapon in this offense. He seems like a Jason Avant type of player. He isn’t the star by any means, but he is reliable enough to go to when your big weapons are being game-planned to high hell. I don’t know anything about his contract situation, nor will I, because I hate looking up stats, but I’d like for him to stay our 3rd receiver for another year. Added chemistry will only make him more effective in our offense.

I am proud of Jenkins’ interception, but that was a pretty crappy play by a horrible Rams offense. Either way, bad teams tend to drop easy interceptions like that, and Jenkins caught it. So that’s a good. A very good.

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