Adam Rank of NFL.com has done the unthinkable — well, maybe it’s much more imaginable than you’d like to believe. He took a list of outrageous quotes and created a game entitled, “Who Said It?” The two possible answers? Martellus Bennett or Charlie Sheen. Yes, that’s what we have come to this offseason.
“Marty B” runs his mouth without think so often that he has created a number of hilarious and unbelievable quotes… and then there is Charlie Sheen. So, who said it? Play the game after the jump — questions courtesy of Adam Rank in his latest blog post.
1. “The first one was like kissing Oprah (Winfrey). This one was like kissing Halle Berry. I’d much rather kiss Halle Berry or Angelina Jolie.”
2. “Who the hell knows what the dinosaurs sound like? No one was around. They might have sounded like dogs.”
3. “At some point, I’m going to put a gag order on myself in terms of talking about the past. I’ve got to slam the door and deal with the present and the future.”
4. “Man, what do you do if your chic farts? It doesn’t seem as if women should fart. I was walking in the grocery store in the chips and dips aisle. This lady was walking in front of me pushing her cart, she stopped to pick up some Pringles and let one rip. Sounded like a growl and a motor but smelt like a dead carcass.”
5. “I don’t have a tuxedo that fits anymore because my chest and my biceps are too big.”
6. “I believe in aliens. I’ve actually seen four or five of them in my lifetime. Although they aren’t as smart as everyone seems to think. I played one in monopoly, checkers, and chess and I destroyed him/her — couldn’t really tell which it was so I’m just going to call it It.”
7. “As kids we’re not taught how to deal with success; we’re taught how to deal with failure. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. If at first you succeed, then what?”
8. On Kim Kardashian: “The butt is fake… they inserted throw pillows.”
9. “I’m here and I’m ready. They’re not. Bring it.”
10. “It all started with the hobos.”
11. “Winning, anyone? Rhymes with winning. Anyone? Yeah, that would be us. Sorry, man, didn’t make the rules. Oops!”
12. “It’s just strafing runs in my underwear before my first cup of coffee, because I don’t have time for these clowns.”
Here is the answer key: Bennett quotes: 1, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10; Sheen quotes: 3, 5, 7, 9, 11, 12. Thank you, Mr. Rank for this latest list of brilliance. Be sure to read more of Adam Ranks writings on his NFL.com blog.