Bengals Fans – Drink it Up While You Can

According to NFL.com, Terrell Owens has quickly ingratiated himself to the Bengals fans.  His speed and physique are a marvel to behold.  Bengals fans, enjoy the party right now.  Owens is like a Long Island iced tea.  You can barely perceive the alcohol in the drink, so you drink up, and up, and up.  Anyone who’s been to Dickinson College (my alma mater) knows the result of a long night of drinking.  Eventually the party will stop and you have to face the cruel morning light.

Owens will look great in practice.  The CB’s aren’t jamming him at the line of scrimmage, he will go and catch the ball that is slightly overthrown (exposing his midsection), he’ll make the spectacular one-handed catch in traffic, and he may even have a chuckle with the quarterback.  When the real hitting begins, your beer goggles will be forcibly removed.  Owens cares too much about the run after the catch and consequently doesn’t concentrate enough on the catch which leads to his drops.  Even more annoying, he never seems to accept responsibility for the drop.  Owens has the most impressively defined alligator arms in the league, again leading to drops and missed opportunities.  While Carson Palmer may be used to being cajoled for the ball by wide receivers, it is a mystery as to how to deal with Owens.  McNabb cursed at him in an effort to be dominant (STFU if I recall correctly).  Romo and Garrett tried to placate him by forcing the ball in his direction regardless of the coverage, not to mention those moderately productive reverses that were force fed into the offense.

Bengals fans, enjoy the moment.  Sing the TO song loud and proud.  Just know somewhere in the back of your mind that the alcohol you drink is a toxin, and that poison will build up over time.