Written by theMBIIIeffect
This Sunday will be a boring day for Cowboys fans.
Sure, we’ll get to see the New York Giants pick up their first loss against the New Orleans Saints, the Washington Redskins give the Kansas City Chiefs their first win and the Eagles lose to the Raiders.
Ok, the Raiders over the Eagles is wishful thinking. But an idle Cowboys mind is Al Davis’ playground this weekend, so we can hope.
With that being said, here are the top 10 things Cowboys fans can do to ease the boredom on Sunday.
10. Go watch old Eli Manning tapes. Remember when he wasn’t much good at all? That mouth-gaping, ‘dammit, y’all’ look on his face after he threw an interception? Those were the days.
9. Go to Cabo with Jessica Simpson. Hey, Cowboys fans don’t have to come back to a playoff game next week. She just lost her dog and somebody has to comfort her. It might as well be one of us, right?
8. Cook ribs in honor of Roy Williams. Just make sure you don’t break any of them. Martellus Bennett will bring the kool aid and watermelon.
7. Watch the Red River Shootout. I know, it’s technically the Red River Rivalry now, but it’ll always be a shootout to me. The deep fried oreos, peaches and cream and, well, anything else that is marginally edible and fits in a deep fryer is a big draw, too. I hear they have deep fried butter. My arteries ache for you.
6. Send Miles Austin a present. Send him cool stuff! He deserves it after a 250-yard, 2 touchdown day against the Chiefs last weekend. Maybe Wade Phillips will send him the #2 receiver spot.
5. Send Vinny Cerrato a bigger present. He signed Albert Haynesworth to a $100 million dollar contract and ignore the offensive line. Classic mistake! Maybe he should’ve stuck to acting (he’s the cop in the Canadian tuxedo).
4. Paint a Philadelphia Eagles jersey onto your Michael Vick chew toy. Your dog is also a Cowboys fan and it will go crazy once he sees that evil emerald jersey. Might want to buy a few backup Vicks just in case.
3. Call Bill Cowher to see if he has any plans for next year. You know, just in case.
2. Leave Tony Romo ALONE. If you’re friends with him, leave him be. No calls, no text, no twitter, no smoke signals, nothing. The guy is probably a nervous wreck with all the scrutiny he’s been under from national media sources. He would be well-served by a weekend hunting or fishing with team mate Jason Witten.
1. Call Dan Snyder and laugh. Your players are calling for a vote of confidence in your coach, whose highest level of coaching was a quarterback coaching gig with the Seahawks and Lions. Your team lost to the Lions and ended the second longest losing streak in the history of the NFL. You have a locker room full of overpaid bums. Now, the fans in Washington are on to you. This is delightful to Cowboys fans, so call him up and let him know how much he’s made us laugh on Sundays.
Topics: Al Davis, Albert Haynesworth, Bill Cowher, Dan Snyder, Eli Manning, Jason Witten, Jessica Simpson, Martellus Bennett, Michael Vick, Miles Austin, Philadelphia Eagles, Red River Shootout, Roy Williams, Tony Romo, Vinny Cerrato