Football players hate leaving the game. If they can walk, they think they can hit, catch, throw or run. Well, they really can’t. Not for an entire season at least.
So here is a Top 10 list of players who should never un-retire from the NFL
1. Brett Favre
Too late! The son of a bitch decided to retire twice and un-retire within in one year. If there is anyone who should get out of the game now it is Favre. Did he really even watch his performance at the end of the season? He is the sole reason why the Jets missed the playoffs after a powerful start. How is he going to help the Vikings, who don’t have much on the roster he can throw the ball too.
2. Deion Sanders
Listen, I loved what he did with the Dallas Cowboys, but there aren’t many more annoying people in the NFL than Neon Deion. Who can stand his interviews? His attire? What is he a damn pimp? All he needs is more gold hanging off him and he’s a pimp. He’s never come close to un-retiring, and that’s a good thing. He wouldn’t want to ruin his pretty face.
3. Terry Bradshaw
He’s probably one of my most-disliked announcers. If he’s not dropping a few shots before he sees the stage lights, then he’s seriously in need of some counseling. The guy is just a complete douchebag. It doesn’t even matter that he played for the Pittsburgh Steelers. He is just ugly and he wouldn’t stand a chance playing against un-retired players his own age, even if it was some well-suited third-world football league. Don’t even think about it Terry. You’re ugly enough as it is. You wouldn’t look any better missing a knee and an elbow.
4. Emmitt Smith
Sorry, all respect to the NFL’s leading rusher, but his final years with the Arizona Cardinals was really hard to watch. Then he had to go on that stupid dancing show “Dancing with the Stars” and redden the faces of hordes of Cowboys fans. “What is this egotistical weirdo doing on this show,” I recalled saying as I flipped through the channels. His announcing career ( d0 you call it that when you were never good at it?) did not turn out much better for the fans, and namely himself. Ouch. I guess University of Florida isn’t known for its English classes.
5. Tony Siragusa
Has anyone seen how fatter this guy got? He was already fat as hell when he played with the Ravens, but he had to og added another 50 pounds. How does someone who already weighs 340 put on another 50 damn pounds? Saragusa can’t even run the sidelines let alone on the field. He’s so out of shape that if he tried to un-retire, teams would immediately put him in the hospital for morbid obesity. Come on, Tony. Get help.
6. Michael Irvin
I am not sure Michael is over his career-ending injury in Philadelphia. You can bet he would have done anything to return to the game, and even play against those Eagles at their home. I wanted him, too. We were all crushed when we found out how bad his spine injury was. We stopped praying and turned to what we know best to cure troubles: a lot of alcohol. Irvin’s a down-to-earth cool guy, and he also had THE BEST hall of fame speech ever. But a return to the NFL might leave him crippled—and that’s even if he tried to return when younger.
7. Brad Johnson
There is a reason no one picked you up after the Dallas Cowboys dismissed you. They watched you play in two games. You reinvented the term “Noodle Arm” in football and I cannot remember the last guy who had that nickname. Oh wait, it was Brett Favre. Anyway, Johnson, don’t come back. You are much too old, for christ sakes you were born in 1968! Enough said.
8. Tony Zendejas
He’ll rape someone!
9. Trent Dilfer
Ugh. Is he the worst quarterback ever to win a Super Bowl? The guy threw for less touchdowns that the Raves defense scored. He left the game too late. He should have retired right there and then. Take the trophy and go home. You did throw a touchdown in the game.
10. Brian Bosworth
This guy had bad hair. He also very well could have been the biggest flop in NFL history, at least when talking about defense. No doubt this guy was a force in college. But he left the game at the perfect time: he had no nuts from steroid use and he was not a very good football player without the ‘roids. If he returned, he’d be shooting everyone in the ass.