It’s no secret that the New York Cryants dislike their coach, and rightly so. He’s the whiniest tool in the NFL, and I’m tired of seeing him at press conferences acting like he called a perfect game and his players didn’t play hard enough. But because Tom Coughlin is such a tool, there’s the New Jersey-New York press corps pushing hard to bring in Ivy Leaguer Jason Garrett as head coach. You can read another story here about this proposal.
Allow me to put an end to this nonsense. I personally thought that the Dallas Cowboys brought in Jason Garrett to become head coach if Wade Phillips didn’t perform well, of whom a lot of us were unsure. But Garrett’s one year of success with the Cowboys, and Phillips surprising start, won’t push Garrett to a head coaching job somewhere else. I don’t think he will consider leaving, even after the Cowboys win their sixth Super Bowl. Flash all the money you want, he won’t go. Garrett going to the Cryants is like Tom Landry going to the Deadskins. Who wants to coach that horde of babies?
So, allow me to make the official statement: Jason Garrett is not leaving the Dallas Cowboys. Jason Garrett is not interested in a head coaching position with the New York Baby Dolls. Garrett was offered the head coaching position for the Cowboys, but turned it down, and Jerry Jones captured him as an assistant coach, sources told me. Garrett wants to coach an offense. He wants to coach Tony Romo. He’s happy where he is. How do I know this? I can read minds, folks. I am reading his mind now, and he’s not going to the Cryants. And that’s a damn fact.
So, Cryants fans, cut the crap. NY-NJ media, home of JASON BLAIR, stop this sensational reporting that Garrett is a candidate for the next head coach of the Cryants. Cease and desist such error-filled reporting. These tarradiddles will not be tolerated!